Never Satisified

Two shows down, fourteen more to go.... Yes, I did end up with a dress, two actually. The main one I wear is awful to get in and out of, but it works. The other one I wear is my stage husband's real live wife's prom dress...is that just weird or what? I feel really strange wearing it. The guy who plays Archie runs his own theater in Provo, and brought a bunch of dresses for me to try on because he saw me walking around kind of lost the night when I was really sad about not having a costume. I chose this pink one that fit me really well, but he didn't tell me at the time that it was her prom dress and when she came to the show she told me and by then it was too late to change, plus I really like it. But can you understand my discomfort???

Opening night went well, so did last night, but I was in a really bad mood because I started thinking about the end of the run and just dreading the fact that I will never get another part again as long as I live. I thought.... "if I could just get the part, then I would be completely satisfied". Then when I got the part, I ran into all sorts of other problems with my voice, the rehearsals, and the dreaded Diva Who Tried To Steal My Part.( I'm still working on forgiving her...not there quite yet) Then all of those problems went away, and all the problems with lighting and sound came up, and I thought... "I will be satisfied if we could just start the run of the show". Well, we started the run, and it has been the most amazing experience even with all the crap that has gone on. Our cast is really close, and the music is so beautiful, and I have never been happier, but I can't be completely satisified because three weeks ITS GOING TO END. It's all a dream from which I am going to wake up and wish I could go back to sleep. I am not looking forward to it at all. I don't know why I can't just focus on the present... I'm either rehashing and regretting the past, or dreading the future. And since acting is all about being in the moment I've got a lot to learn! Am I the only one?

Gratitude for Sunday
1/ I'm grateful for the lilies I bought the other day... their scent is permeating the entire house. I think it's the same kind of flower in that was in my bridal bouquet.
2/I'm grateful that I have a part for the month of April.
3/I'm grateful that my appetite has been a bit smaller so I am not wanting to eat everything in sight all the time.
4/I'm grateful that I could forgive myself for being an idiot last night after the show ( I still need to apologize to my friend- she probably thinks I'm such a brat)
5/I'm grateful that we sang all my favorite hymns in church today. I get really sick of "How Great Thou Art"