Choice and Accountablity

I just finished e-mailing the director of the NATSAA competition I entered back in December. (National Association for Teachers of Singing Awards A?? something) I let her know that I had to withdraw. I told her it was for "personal problems and conflicts that have prevented me from preparing and attending the audition" It's actually because I got my DREAM part in a musical and I tried at first to do both but I blew a gasket and had to decide between the competition and the play. And I discovered just today that I made the right choice. I know I did because I made the decision a month ago, and haven't even thought about the competition since. I have been so engrossed in the role and in rehearsals, and as we get closer to opening night I am so excited I can hardly wait. I usually dread opening night like this book I read when I was little featuring Grover from Sesame Street. He is frantically trying to keep you from finishing the book because there is a monster at the end. He tries to stop you from turning the pages by building a brick wall, tying ropes around the page, and warning you of the dire consequences at the end of the book on every page. That book always freaked me out, even though the monster ends up being Grover himself. Anyway, that's how opening night usually is for me, but now...bring it on, man, I am ready. Even if it is a total failure, I am so grateful for the opportunity to FINALLY play this part I have always wanted. And with the cutthroat sopranos in this world of community theater I never thought I'd actually get cast. It's a blasted miracle.

So goodbye NATS Competition, hello Secret Garden. I have no regrets. Except for the fact that I brought up Grover this late at night. He is so scary.. (remember Super Grover? Yikes!)

*** Gratitude for today 1. peanut butter (a great laxative) 2. Theater friends 3. My $5 blue pj's from Target 4. Singing 5. inner peace after an inner storm****

I just received an email from my oldest neighbor and friend who just recently moved to California. I really miss her! Up until less than a year ago both our parents still lived right next to each other, but her mom sold her house and a new family moved in, and I feel like all our ties are dwindling, so it was so good to hear from her. She is an expert blogger and I didn't want to give her my address because she will laugh at me, as will everyone who knows how to write if they ever happen upon this. Oh well... I don't dread being laughed at nearly as much as I used to. Which is good since I do more idiotic things the older I get. It's so freeing!

Speaking of freeing, mainly what I wanna say today is...I HATE MY JOB. I actually just quit it today, so the five things I am grateful for are:

1) I quit my crappy job, and maybe now I will really get pregnant.
2) I quit my crappy job, and now I will not have a knot in my stomach all the time.
3) I quit my crappy job, and now maybe I won't stress eat myself into an even bigger pants size (again)
4) I quit my crappy job, and now I will have time (yeah right) to do my once a month cooking.
5)I quite my crappy job, and I will be more bearable to be around (Sorry honey!)

It's amazing how much more I hate my job now that I have quit.

hello out there

So I can't believe I am writing this... It's not like me to be online. I love reading from my sisters blog since she is so far away... maybe it's another way we can keep in touch. I just received a shipment from her... one I have been anxiously awaiting and I am so glad it came on my day off. It's two pairs of knockoff D&B sunglasses she got for me in NYC where she lives now. She wore a pair home when she was visiting for Christmas and they are the perfect sunglasses. They are light and comfortable, the lenses are the perfect shade ( not too dark and depressing), and I never want to take them off.
I want to visit my sister. I miss her, and I miss New York. If my hubby liked to travel, maybe we could get back there more. As it is I have only been able to visit her once since we got married. I used to travel a lot more than I do now. I am okay with it most times though... I am getting terribly unadventurous in my old age. We don't have kids yet, so you'd think that we would be living it up, but we are the most boring couple ever. We don't do anything but watch recorded reruns of Malcom in the Middle (which is actually the highlight of my day lots of times--I love Hal) If we didn't live so far from everything maybe things would be different.

I know I am writing this all wrong. I'm sure most people are very clever and articulate but I am just a stream of consciousness writer now, thanks to years of morning pages. I never follow a thought through, and I wouldn't know how to start.

I want to end all my posts w/ five things I am grateful for... I try keeping a gratitude journal but I always have like five different notebooks to write in, so I get confused and forget to do it.

1) I'm grateful that I didn't have to work w/ the old man today. Not that I don't love him, but I really needed a day off.
2)I'm grateful I could take my puppy for a nice long walk today. He is too cooped up all the time and I feel so good when I can take him out. He is so cute and perky and I love to see the world through his little black eyes. I want to eat him.
3)I'm grateful for the internet. I got so many things done and since I am a least 35 miles from any store, I save so much time shopping online, and it is so EASY! (Maybe too easy!)
4) I am grateful that I have a car payment. I have never had a new enough car to have a car payment, and I feel like a real person. (like Mottel the taylor in Fiddler on the Roof when he finally gets a sewing machine)
5)Speaking of sewing machines, I am grateful that I finally have a sewing machine. I have never had one of my own, and although it's way seventies and probably as old as I am, it's a Bernina, and the kind I learned on, and for as much as I sew, it's all I need. Thanks Tiina(no, that is not a misspelling, it's really how she spells her name cuz she's from Finland and she's the one that gave me her old sewing machine) Now I can finally finish the Sunbonnet Sue quilt that has been sitting there for six years.