Friday, July 20, 2007


It has not been the best week of my life. It all started off with a yucky audition on Sunday that I don't really want to talk about. I think that I am finally starting to recover, six days later. Nothing like an audition to make you feel like a loser. Not that I don't already feel that way all the time anyway. But it is just made glaringly obvious during an audition; whereas at other times, it is merely a vague awareness. A vague awareness, like a growth on the side of my head that I can't seem to get rid of. That everyone else can see, except me, although I can feel it. At times I do my best to disguise it-- pretend that it is really not there, cover it up-- but somehow ( like at an audition) my cover gets blown, and it's all out there for everyone to gape at. Except that it's more like they avert their eyes and try to ignore the growth. Ignore the loserness.

I really know how to feel sorry for myself, don't I??? It's one of my unloseriest traits. I'm good at that, at least. I wonder if that is why I keep auditioning, to find ways to feel sorry for myself when I don't get the part. I may have too much fun pity-partying in my head to give it up. It's quite a bash, you should come sometime. ( whoever you are)

Gratitude for Friday

1. I'm grateful that I reached my goal for the day- Exercise for 1/2 hour-
Hopefully tomorrow I will have reached my goal for the week, too.
2. I'm grateful that I haven't had much of an appetite this week- It's a nice switch
to actually be able to turn down food!
3. I'm grateful that Weber State University is a feasible commute
from my house- maybe I can actually go!
4. I'm grateful that I caught my dog before he went #2 on my neighbor's yard. They were sitting out on their front porch, watching him circle around on their grass... Whew! Close call! ( yet so embarrassing.)
5. I'm grateful that I feel like singing again.