I am afraid to go to sleep tonight. I am afraid to try, because the past couple of nights I have just tossed and turned, and I start to get afraid of my bedroom, because I know what to look foward to in there. Insomniac experts will tell you something I already know- if you have trouble sleeping, leave the bedroom. This will prevent your bedroom from being a place of stress. I already figured that one out. I want to keep my bedroom a happy sleepy place, and it just isn't that for me lately. So I leave as soon as I know it's not gonna happen for me.
Tonight I am doubly wary of my ability to fall asleep, because I am getting a cold. There are a few things that REALLY keep me from sleep, and one of them is a cold. Specifically, the thing that happens that I call "the constriction". I get this tightening thing going on when the cold moves down into my esophogas and squeezes it. I can't really describe it any other way, but it's the pits. I think the anticipation I feel when it starts is worse than anything. All at once, my dreams of a good night's sleep are out the window, and I just have to move on to other things besides slumber. I know you probably don't want to hear my throat woes, but there you have it.
You know another thing that keeps me awake? When my knees are cold. It's the most dumb thing ever, and I hate that I just wrote it out loud.
Gratitude for Monday-
1/ I had another confrontation at Wal Mart when I tried to take my dog in with me, but this one had a happy ending. I didn't leave in a huge huff. We worked it out, the greeter and me. It was cool, even if it was a little stressful and I did sort of cry. But it has been a lot worse, and though this could have been, it wasn't. Maybe there's hope for me, after all!
2/I don't what my life would be like if I hadn't discovered "The Office." I would probably get along just fine, but I can't stand how funny that show is.
3/I'm grateful I am in school again. It's an adjustment and my brain kind of hurts being used after years of atrophy, but I am seriously grateful in so many ways.
4/I'm grateful for clean sheets.
5/I'm grateful that this day is over and I am home.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Posted by lily at 9:54 PM
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2 comments:
Oh Liaz!
Even though you are getting a cold, it sounds like you are doing a little better than your last post indicated. I am grateful for that. Also, my heart got all warm and fuzzy as soon as you mentioned The Office. I too think that it is a warm blanket! Kindred spirits always seem to continue to like the same things whether we see each other or not. xxx S*
Hey there. I've never heard that 'if you have trouble sleeping, leave the bedroom. This will prevent your bedroom from being a place of stress.' I'm a college student who has real difficulty sleeping. I will set a time to go to bed and then as soon as that time comes up, I will give myself another 30 mins and when that come I will give myself yet another 30 mins etc etc. As I live in College Halls, I live in a studio apartment where my bed is right next door to my desk. This is obviously where I do my work and to be honest my degree is one of the most challenging you can do.
My desk is also where I watch TV, drink and do drugs (I suffer from bipolar and alcohol/drugs is 'my way out')hence my bedroom is a very stressful place.
You said earlier that you are 'afraid to go to sleep;' or somewhere along those lines, and that would seem ludicrous to most people, but to me it rings so many bells. Why would someone be afraid to go to sleep? I don't understand but its exactly the way I feel.
If anyone can identify with this please reply.
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