Ennui

I got on here to write, and I have nothing to say. I decided to change my template, and now I feel like I had to write something, but there is absolutely nothing going on in my life. I guess that is what is called limbo. I am not sure what each day is going to bring. Looking back, I realize in my life I most of the time go where the wind takes me. I go through times where I am pretty good at having a routine, but that has so gone out the window anymore. It's mainly because my moods change at the speed of light, and I don't know how to make any plans because who knows what I will feel like doing two days from now. Today I might feel like being a singer, tomorrow I may want to buy a horse and take up horseback riding, then the next day I want a baby. But usually you need to have a drive and focus that keeps you going from day to day, or nothing ever happens. It takes years and planning for some things to come to fruition. Maybe that is why I am almost thirty and have never had many accomplishements or direction in life. The only thing that seems to be a constant in my life is music and theater, even that comes in spurts. I wonder if I will still be feeling this way when I am an old lady. I keep wondering when my life will start, and in reality, maybe this is all it is, just figuring it out as you go, never really knowing what the hell you are doing.

1/ I'm SO grateful Lolly is okay in Mumbai... I want her to come home.
2/I'm grateful for my nieces. They are my pals.
3/I'm grateful I don't have to work full time. That is such a blessing, cuz when else would I sing? Or cook? Or clean?
4/ I'm grateful that my sister is here from Morocco. It's so fun to have family in town.
5/I'm grateful for my car so it can get me out of this town--and back again.